we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
