I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
