i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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