**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sext me about skeletons
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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