is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
