So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
