well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
