Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
