note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
