U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
