So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
