I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
