he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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