Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
