You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you never un-have a 4some
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
