She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
