I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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