I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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