haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They are going to name an STD after you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
