He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something