thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
