well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.