i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm