they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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