i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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