Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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