Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
