the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
