How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
