Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
