once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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