the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
