I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
where does the pee come out of this thing
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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