i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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