tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
