I CAN MOONWALK!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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