I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
