i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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