I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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