woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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