Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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