Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
