you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
