I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize