WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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