Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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