If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
