also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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