I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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