she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
