You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize