wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
