What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
