Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
