Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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