Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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