youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he shaved USA in his pubs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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