Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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