I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
