I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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