How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
