He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
