Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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