god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
