we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
