I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
